Tucker Carlson on The Hour

Back in December, American right-wing pundit Tucker Carlson told his audience that Canada “is like your retarded cousin you see at Thanksgiving.”

This, naturally, upset a lot of people.

Shortly thereafter, on CBC Newsworld’s “The Hour”, host George Stroumboulopoulos interviewed Tucker Carlson to try and find out exactly what he meant by that comment.

I didn’t watch it back in December, I watched it, like, five minutes ago.

Yeah, yeah, I’m slow… Anyway…

Here’s George’s interview.

Once I got past the smug attitude and the ridiculous bow tie, I found myself agreeing with a lot of what Tucker Carlson was saying. He’s pretty smart.

But then I also think my dog is smart because he understands the words, “toy” and “poo”.

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Northern Invaders!

Stephen Harper announced a 3.5 Billion dollar plan to protect the Canadian North.

“Under a Conservative government, Canada will know when foreign ships, whether they be Russian, British, Danish, American or anyone else, are in our waters…”(emph. mine)

Anyone else?!

Who?!

SANTA?!

There’s something we can make at home that will cost a lot less than 3.5 billion dollars that will protect us. It’s very fashionable amongst the paranoid.


Stephen Harper: protected from “anyone else”.

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Harper’s Thumb

Stephen Haper's thumb

He looks like a five year old who’s just been asked, “Harpy, where’s your thumb?”

That or the grimace on his face is a result of having his other thumb shoved somewhere fun.

Either way, awkward smiles for everyone!

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Bono, The Hip Nip and AD

If a looming vote of non-confidence, the resulting election campaign, and being accused of working with “organized crime” wasn’t enough for Paul Martin to deal with, Bono had to waltz in and say that The Prime Minister “mystifies” him for not contributing more to foreign aid.

What “mystifies” me is: When did Bono turn into the world’s telemarketer? Seriously, Bono, fuck off and come back when things aren’t so crazy.

Pat Morita died yesterday at 72. Obviously he meant a lot to me as Mr. Miyagi, but ultimately, I’ll always remember him as Arnold, from Happy Days.

There’s a great obituary over at cbc.ca:

After the war, he began his career in performance, first trying out the world of standup comedy under the alias “The Hip Nip.”

I know what you’re thinking, “How awful… The Hip Nip.”

I’d like to think that we’ve progressed enough as a society that we can contextualize the title and laugh at the absurdity of it. Hell, I think it should be on his tombstone, “Here lies The Hip Nip.”

Unfortunately, I know that we haven’t progressed an inch since WWII and that we’re still a bunch of racists. Did you not see the very important film, “Crash”? It’s about racism and how we’re all racists.

What? You fell asleep while watching it?

Yeah, me too.

By the way, it says, “balls” on your face.

RIP. Mr. Morita. Thanks for teaching Hilary Swank how to fight. Sorry that Clint Eastwood ruined everything by training her so badly he had to euthanize her.

Finally, here’s a great interview with Michael Cera (Arrested Development’s George Michael) that made me laugh out loud several times.

Here’s the thing: they are just filthy jokes, but you have to have a certain amount of intelligence to decipher them and know that it’s just a dirty penis joke. But when it gets right down to it, that’s what it is.

Oh my god, he’s right! All this time I’ve been laughing at penis jokes…

Fuck, that makes it funnier.

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Matt Who?

I wasn’t sure whether or not to share this amusing anecdote from Gemini night, then I figured, why the hell not.

After the awards, as people were lining up for drinks, I’m milling about and I run into one of the executives in charge of Newsroom… The same executive that I pitched the television show to seven months ago. I said hi, s/he said hi. I went and stood in line next to Ken to get a beer.

I look over, and the executive is chatting with the producer of The Newsroom. I see him/her pointing at me, asking, “Who’s that?”. Then I overhear my producer answer, “That’s Matt Watts, he helped with the writing this year, and he was ON the Newsroom.”

I was totally baffled. Here I am, standing NEXT to Ken… I don’t get recognized very often, but if I’m standing next to Ken, it’s pretty obvious that he’s Ken Finkleman from the Newsroom, and I’m the guy who stands next to him… on The Newsroom. Assuming you’ve watched the show.

S/he had no idea who I was… Despite having been in his/her office seven months earlier pitching a show, when s/he said, “I think you’re great on Newsroom and I love this idea”.

Did I mention that in their office, when I pitched the show, I was sitting under a poster of the Newsroom, in which I was standing next to Ken?

Well I was. Sitting right under the poster.

Look, I don’t expect people to know I was on the show. I expect people not to know. But when one of the executives IN CHARGE of the show has no idea who I am… It’s a little demeaning.

Hey, I’m not bitter, in fact, I think it’s hilarious.

It made me realize that the reason my show was ultimately passed on had nothing to do with me, or the idea. This executive probably had no idea what the show even was.

Hell I don’t think this person even knows where s/he is half the time.

So, when you’re wondering why certain shows end up on rival networks after they’ve been pitched to the CBC, just remember this story.

And to any future executives, a word of advice: Lay off the booze… Apparently it can cause memory loss.

Godspeed, Captain.

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