My Bathroom

When he was a kid, my father had to poop in an outhouse and wipe his butt with the Sears catalogue, so I should be grateful for the miracle of indoor plumbing.

But when it sucks, it’s hard to ignore.

I live in a one bedroom apartment on the second floor of a house. I have a vanity bathroom. Small sink, small toilet, stand-up shower with a clear glass enclosure. When I first saw it, I though it was cute. And the shower reminded me of something you’d see in a 70’s porno. Cool!

But there’s no water pressure. You have to flush the toilet twice, and then wait for it to fill up before you can wash your hands. The porno shower doesn’t really “function” because two people in the shower with no water pressure are two damp, cold miserable people.

At least you know what you’re getting with an outhouse. An outhouse won’t let you down.

(Note: This piece was written for The National Post as part of the Arts & Life Diary series.)